Lovely readers, I am grumpy. Allow me to elaborate on my reasons.
I have mentioned a few times that I’ve been seeing someone new lately and have chosen not to disclose too much on this person because it is that special to me and I feel mildly weird talking about him on my creepy-anonymous-internet-confession-blog. However, recent events lead me to talk a little about this boy - henceforth referred to as the Scientist.
You all recall the story of the “Bestie”, my hot/cold on/off best friend/lover/mortal enemy, that I broke into two separate entries because the drama and complexity of the whole thing was too much for just one. The Scientist and I would never have met if not for the aforementioned douchetastic actions of the Bestie. We were introduced because he was the Bestie’s roommate, and on that ill-fated visit where I discovered my dear ol’ Bestie had a secret girlfriend (and chose to tell me by making out with her in front of me) I ended up spending a lot of time with him out of necessity. The Scientist was cute, funny, smart, dorky, and completely likeable. Unfortunately, due to his slightly effeminate personality and predilection for throw pillows, I thought he was gay. Had I spent any time at all really paying attention to the fact that he was obviously falling head over heels for me in the most blatant display of puppy-love ever, I would probably not have come to that conclusion- but I was distracted by blind rage and heartbreak at the time. After two more confusing, drunken days in their apartment, I set off for home; assuming I would never hear from the Bestie or the Scientist again.
But this wasn’t so. While the Bestie periodically appeared and disappeared (his typical pattern of behavior), the Scientist kept in constant contact. Soon, we were talking every day. And through two years of me being in and out of ill-fated relationships, still fighting with the Bestie, and going through tons of changes in my life in general, he was my constant companion - a text message away if I was ever lonely waiting for the train, always around to Skype with me into the long hours of the night when I couldn’t sleep. He listened without judgement, he told me funny stories, we sent each other the weirdest youtube videos we could find. In spite of the purely technological nature of our relationship, in many ways he became my best and most consistent friend.
The Bestie, of course, hated this. He would constantly attempt to undermine the blossoming friendship his roommate and I were developing. Telling me embarrassing stories about the Scientist, further questioning his sexual orientation, keeping me forever on my toes about the nature of our relationship (any time he sensed me pulling away he would start hatching ill-conceived plans to visit). And so when he eventually learned that I had finally stopped being an idiot and told the Scientist I was in love with him, he had what I have referred to in casual conversation as a “tiny baby snapout”. He told me he didn’t want to hear about the relationship, that he was worried I would “break” the Scientist’s kind nature the way I had destroyed my other relationships, intimated that I was “settling” because I couldn’t have him- in short, he was a giant, unrelenting, unforgiveable asshole.
Sadly for me, they continue to be roommates. So this past weekend, when I decided to come visit my dear Scientist and a few other friends, I had to face the Bestie in person - for the first time since we had our last huge falling out a year ago and since I had started dating his roommate. At first, he simply avoided me; a full 24 hours passed before I actually saw him with my eyes. And then he pulled a complete 180 - the first thing he did was pull me into an awkwardly extended and intense hug and tell me how much he’d missed me and how often he’d thought of me. Later that evening, I encountered him completely intoxicated at a party (I was stone sober), and he immediately pressed himself to my side, tried to clutch at my hand, whispered weird inside jokes in my ear - while the Scientist, not only my boyfriend but his friend and roommate, stood a few feet away with an uncomfortable expression on his face. I broke away from the Bestie and attempted to put some distance between us, but he kept managing to end up close to me, brush against me, touch my hair. He began telling loud stories to the Scientist (and anyone in earshot) about how well he knew me, how long he’d known me, how close we were. The Scientist, being not only incredibly sweet but also sort of meek, stood helpless as the Bestie made every attempt to act like our relationship was a farce.
Towards the end of the evening, the Bestie started berating me for it directly - telling me I was “never going to see him again” because of my “new boyfriend” (to me, this is the worst part: acting like he doesn’t know the Scientist’s name in spite of their friendship. Just championship assholery right there). And that was my breaking point - I told him to shut up. No wit, no class, no elaboration. Just the words “Bestie, you need to shut up.” And after that, he vanished. He didn’t speak to me for the rest of the evening, didn’t return to their apartment that night, and didn’t say goodbye to me the next morning.
While it is mildly heartbreaking to think of years of emotional connection being suddenly severed, I am perfectly okay with it. I made the right choice, and the Scientist is almost literally the perfect boyfriend, and I love him completely. The Bestie made his own choice- many times over- to give me up. He can’t be mad that someone else was willing to the make the effort he never could bring himself to.
Endings are always bittersweet, ain’t they?
With hope for a brighter tomorrow,