I am twenty years old. It is hot, the sort of...
Don't blame me
Bear and I invented a new way of talking. Exhausted (and probably dying of heat stroke, the east coast is murderous the past few days), we could only summon up three word phrases to summarize our frustrations while texting yesterday. Example: Bear: Boyfriend: has unsatisfying life Bear: Boyfriend: blames on me Bee: Boyfriend: ditto ditto ditto so on and so forth. We are both facing a...
A rant on sexuality.
I’m thinking a lot about sexuality lately. What does it mean to be sexy right now? Is it about the way you present yourself, how you look, how you dress, how you act? All I know is its a lot of pressure. I’ve read some really insightful blog entries about sexuality, I’ve read some really frustrating articles, and I’ve seen advertisements that just make me want to barf and...
Dear you (an open letter to the 2nd boy that broke...
Dear you, I can’t believe that after nearly a year of not speaking I still miss you. I think about you all the time, not in the romantic way that I once did (no more wistful afternoons spent looking into the bottom of coffee cups and whispering “what ifs”), but in the way that I did when we first met, as friends. I see things I want to show you constantly. I want to text you and...
After stops, starts and stutters, soaring hopes, romantic weekends stolen from our “real lives”, sweaty sexy romps and gentle kisses, I told the Spaniard I just couldn’t see him or talk to him anymore. I need a break, and I need it to be real. No more “I’ll just see you in Boston” when we fall into each others naked arms for the weekend and come up needy. No...
Mom, could you not?
My mom. The woman who raised me essentially completely by herself. Who worked day and night to help me go to private high school and then college. The woman who gave me life. The woman who is driving me crazy, at the moment. My “Ex with a capital E”, The Big One, did not take our breakup well. He had been kicked out of his own home when we were seniors in high school, and had been...
Grass is Green, Breakups Greener
The transitory period after a breakup is always odd. Do you think about him too much? Not enough? (Even after his favorite movie plays on TV)? Can you call just to say “hey” and check in, or do you not bother? When do formalities (“happy birthday anyway, did you enjoy the headphones I sent you a week before you broke up with me?”) become just formal, and unemotional? The...
Okay, So we’ve established at length that I am something of a commitmentphobe. But let’s look at my other, non-relationship-related life choices to solidify that fact. I have moved four times, to four different cities, in the past four years. I have quit jobs and schools, switched majors, and generally never been able to make up my mind about exactly what I want ever since I graduated...
I want a man, who
I want to find a man, who, if Ryan Gosling magically showed up and asked me to marry him, would make me think twice about it, and decline. C’mon true love, Bear
New People and the Problems They Present
The Scientist and I recently relocated from the east to the west, in what was a sort of half-thought-out declaration of twenty-something independence. I decided that I wanted to try the west coast scene for my career of choice, and he, experiencing the general post-college malaise of our generation, decided to accompany me- what else did he have to do with an essentially useless degree and no...
Obligatory Breakup Post (on Sad, or Maybe Not)
I wish I could be that romantic, wistful girl who is mysterious and beautiful in a heartbreaking story of love. The one who, when left, waifs around the fresh food section of an open air market, crying because the smell of fresh pecans or the sight of perfectly rounded grapes reminds her of feeding her loved one in bed while he twirled her hair through his strong fingers. I wish I could be so...
This is not about boys.
okay, well, it sort of is. But it’s not about my interactions with boys. I am stepping back from my severe narcissism to write about a friend of mine. In the end it actually still has to do with me, but….you know what, whatever, I am just gonna go ahead and start telling the actual story. A few years ago, when I was living in the south and attending my first college, I became very...
Oh, just go away.
JUST because I happen to wear a skirt to work, in order to look cute for a co-worker, does NOT give you (yes, you, every man who works at Staples) the right to whistle, ogle, and ask me for my number three times in a row. Sheesh. You think it would be four times too small, rather than two sizes too big. Bear
Meet the Parents...or don't
I’ve done a bang up job of not meeting my significant others’ parental units. Generally, the relationships don’t really last long enough for me to meet them, but when I have, it hasn’t always gone as smoothly as it could. I have an honest-to-goodness-doctor-diagnosed social anxiety disorder, which tends to make me have freaky panic attacks at the thought of stressful social...
Lovely readers, I am grumpy. Allow me to elaborate on my reasons. I have mentioned a few times that I’ve been seeing someone new lately and have chosen not to disclose too much on this person because it is that special to me and I feel mildly weird talking about him on my creepy-anonymous-internet-confession-blog. However, recent events lead me to talk a little about this boy - henceforth...
Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from...
At the cusp of diving headfirst into a happy relationship, I’m being wishy washy and stupid. The Spaniard, who I’ve been sporting as Official Boyfriend since December, is fantastic. I just got back from a week at his house and have been sunshine and rainbows ever since. I, for the first time since Nudge three and a half years ago, am madly in love with someone who actually feels the...
How to be a commitmentphobe in 5 easy steps
1. Have divorced parents who hate each other -Pretty self explanatory, I think. My parents were never meant to be together, and really only got married because my mom got knocked up. Even as a little kid I knew that they might like each other alright, but they were never in love. Or, more accurately: that my father, in spite of his notorious emotional coldness, loved my mom the best he could love...
Here's To The Moms
You ever sit in on a Saturday night, not because you don’t have things to do, but because you have this worry or regret which makes you feel inadequate to the rest of humanity? Thus, making no point to go out, because even if no one knows about this little regret, they will feel you have it and suddenly avoid you like the plague? Well, I mistakenly got into an argument with the Spaniard...
Why I Can't Have Hookup Buddies (a lament)
Two months have passed since I ended things with the Prince, and my life is finally evening out. I’m moving past the feelings of guilt and jealousy, I am regaining the confidence I lost. I’ve been making a concerted effort to leave my house and socialize more, which has actually gone much better than expected - reconnecting with old friends I distanced myself from during my...
There's no winning
I’m a boy’s girl. A dude’s lady. The token gal-pal in any group of guys. That’s what I’ve always been told (One of my closest male friends tells me often that I “don’t count” as a girl). I listen to obscure punk and hip-hop (the two dude-iest genres), I play video games like a CHAMP, I love horror movies with lots of extra blood and gore. Zombie...
The Ones that Get Away
I have deduced something about girls. We place extreme importance on inside jokes, memories, and random daily sentences if we find the other person attractive, or if we like them. They may not, in fact, actually care that much about you (ahem, Andre…) in the way you think, but because of your feelings, everything becomes SUPER IMPORTANT. An example list of dumb things I have deemed super...
How to make a non-emo breakup post
Ah, readers, what few of you there are. I write this from my bed, which I have been in all day, still wearing my pajamas at 4 in the afternoon, with my hair damp and tangled around my head like some sort of coconut-scented halo of misery (undried after I took an hour long shower that involved me sitting on the floor of my tub and crying). To my left, a pile of unfinished novels, some used kleenex,...
Let The Right One In
I think its finally time for me to open up my heart a little. For the past three years, I’ve been trying to reach out and find someone to love. This doesn’t mean I haven’t been semi-successful. You (and all my friends) have laughed your way (hopefully) through Andre, (the-bff-turned-lover-turned-bff-turned-awkward).Then there was the polite yet weirdly frustrating Professor,...
Young love, what the hell is it good for
Why do we romanticize young love? Young love is the fucking worst. My entry today shall be a brief retelling of my first love, the first time around- the later part of our relationship, when it turned more “Adult”, that comes later. This story starts when I am 15. So young! I was a baby. Due to an extremely early puberty, coupled with a nasty divorce on my parent’s part, I got...
I'd like a large order of your fastest Awkward.
When meeting someone significant’s parents (or relatives) for the first time, you always hope to leave the right impression. Whether you’re involved sexually (or just hope to be), you want to a) be memorable, and b) for the right reasons. You NEVER want to embarrass yourself, and if they happen to have family that have a different cultural background than yourself, it makes it even...
So pretty: so, so dumb.
Come on, we all give in to our shallow sides occasionally. We find somebody who is just so so so so incredibly gorgeous that they can’t be resisted: even if they can’t spell and have the general maturity level of a 12 year old (at age 23). For me, this was Bird Boy. Bird Boy was employed by the local coffee shop of my hometown neighborhood. Six-foot-five, skinny and all legs, with...
For once in my life I’ve found someone I deemed worthy to call “just my type”. (Read: never was my ‘type’, just the fantasy of one I hoped would someday fall in my lap and we might get along). True to this notion, I don’t think we have anything in common. He’s a lumberjack. Actually, as someone who is currently employed at a christmas tree farm, he’s...
I’m giving myself a bit of emotional distance right now, otherwise I might explode. I’ve been running around too much with too many (I had at one point, before cancellations, a date scheduled for every night this week) and somehow when they fall down on me, Andre is always a text away, wondering what I’m doing and how I’ve been. We’re keeping things from each other,...
the Bestie, part deux
Hello, two followers! Bee here, continuing my tale of lament and woe that is the saga of my failed best-friendship-turned-neverending-love-drama. Where did I leave off? Oh yes, when my dear ol’ Bestie decided to give me the heave-ho for a way more boring and, if I may sound narcissistic, unattractive girl.Time passes, wounds heal over (slightly). I make plans to move to New York City. I...
Andre Pt. 1
How about not so secret love? Andre and I have been biffles for the past year. It happened when I was driven into his company by an awkward not-boyfriend (read: hookup gone wrong when I wanted to date and he didn’t) Fluffy. It didn’t help that Andre was loud and a bit obnoxious, and the most physically manly guy i’ve ever met. Totally not my type. Fluffy on the other hand, is...
Show of hands, who here has fallen in love with their best friend? Oh, just about everyone? Yeah, that’s what I thought. It’s a common problem, particularly in our age bracket. You get people of both genders (or the same gender, if that’s your thing), you get close, you spend a lot of time together thanks to school or something, and next thing you know- WHAMMO! Suckerpunched in...
Not again... (Bear)
There are few things better in life than resolving conflict. At least, in theory. It lifts a weight, it puts a spring in your step, and usually afterwards you’ve got someone you don’t have to avoid. After a tumultuous break up, Nudge (names changed to protect the innocent, or SOMETHING like that) and I haven’t spoken. Lets just say it was world war three in our friend groups,...
Introductions from Bear
I’m one of the best friends you’ve ever had. Seriously. Maybe the one you don’t notice as much, but the one who shows up at three in the morning from 2.5 hours away with a fresh donut and a list of reasons why you not getting the girl/boy/job/car is the best thing for you right now. Sometimes i’m even there before you realize you need me. Which is probably why I...
Allow me to introduce myself (Bee)
Maybe it was my early exposure to sappy new wave pop music (thanks to my musician/artist mother), or my love for the literature of the 1920s (oh, F.Scott! *swoon*), or maybe my soul-wrenching desire to be Parisian (and living in 1965), but throughout my entire life, I’ve been branded with the burden of hopeless romanticism. I wear vintage sundresses, smoke Nat Sherman cigarettes...
In order to give you all a starting point, I guess I have to begin at the beginning. But, really this is like a ball of string that you push down the stairs and it just keeps going and unraveling and sometimes bonking into peoples feet and creating casualties… Anyway. This is a culmination of the hilarity and ridiculousness of two college females and their romantic encounters. Those anecdotes...